Tote Bags

THIS AIN’T JUST A TOTE—IT’S A PORTABLE BILLBOARD OF SUFFERING YOU CARRY TO TRADER JOE’S! Heavy-duty 100% cotton canvas built to haul a week of groceries, three library books you’ll never read, and the corpse of your patience at the self-checkout line! Reinforced straps because rage is heavy, custom-printed in America because the planet doesn’t need another disposable polyester sack from a sweatshop run by people who have never met joy! From baby showers with mandatory games to parking lots that charge $14 for the privilege of existing, every grievance on this tote was screamed across a grocery aisle by someone who just wanted oat milk! 15″×16″ — exactly enough space for your essentials and your contempt. Carry the complaint. Be the complaint. Burn it all down in cotton canvas!