RETURN TO OFFICE - PROTEIN FARTS
Make it a kit.
Add 1 or 2 more pieces and check out as one bundle.
RETURN TO OFFICE - PROTEIN FARTS
HOA
HOA - MAILBOX
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS
CRUISE SHIPS
CRUISE SHIPS - NOROVIRUS
AIRPORTS
CILANTRO
GROUP TEXTS
What You're Buying.
THIS AIN’T JUST A HOODIE—IT’S THE ONE-STAR GAS-MASK HOODIE FOR EVERYONE TRAPPED IN OPEN-PLAN HELL WITH CHAD’S PROTEIN-FART ORCHESTRA! Blasted with the full “doing the exact same work I smashed from my couch in boxers and bliss” takedown across legendary Comfort Colors thick-ass cotton cozier than my pre-RTO life, this hooded fallout shelter hits in 8 savage colors and every damn one is as rancid as kick-ass black! Sizes S-3XL for every remote refugee now breathing Chad’s gains. If this hoodie doesn’t make Chad’s cubicle smell like defeat, we’ll protein-shake hell’s ventilation—no questions asked! Hood the horror. Worship the WFH. Wear the One Star like the final boss who stays warm wrapped in pure, fart-free fury!
Product features
- 100% ring-spun US cotton — light and smooth for comfortable everyday wear
- Jersey-lined hood with natural flatcord for a soft, finished look
- Relaxed fit with rolled-forward shoulders for easy movement
- Lightweight fabric (6.4 oz/yd²) — breathable and layer-friendly
- Made with OEKO-TEX low-impact dyes; member of the U.S. Cotton Trust Protocol
Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean
FAQ
Common questions before you check out.
01 Does this run small or large?
Runs boxy and true to size. If you're between sizes, order down for a closer fit. The 4XL is genuinely 4XL.
02 Will the print crack or fade?
No. Print is direct-to-garment, tested for 100+ wash cycles before any fade.
03 Can I return it after wearing?
Yes — 60-day rage-back guarantee. If you wear it once and hate it, send it back.
04 How long does shipping take?
Ships in 72 hours. US orders arrive in 3–5 business days from there. Free shipping on every order.
05 Can I get a discount on multiple shirts?
Yes — use the bundle picker on the homepage. 20% off when you pick 2 or 3.