PEOPLE - SELFISH
Make it a kit.
Add 1 or 2 more pieces and check out as one bundle.
PEOPLE - SELFISH
HOA
HOA - MAILBOX
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS
CRUISE SHIPS
CRUISE SHIPS - NOROVIRUS
AIRPORTS
CILANTRO
GROUP TEXTS
What You're Buying.
THIS AIN’T JUST A HOODIE—IT’S THE ONE-STAR TOASTER-WORSHIPPER CLOAK FOR EVERYONE OFFICIALLY DATING KITCHEN APPLIANCES! Blasted with the full “I’d rather talk to my toaster” manifesto across legendary Comfort Colors thick-ass cotton cozier than any human hug ever was, this hooded sanctuary hits in 8 savage colors and every damn one is as bitter as kick-ass black! Sizes S-3XL for every champion who wants to stay warm while humanity reeks itself into oblivion. If this hoodie doesn’t make people suddenly discover deodorant, we’ll pop-up hell’s breakfast—no questions asked! Hood the hate. Worship the wattage. Wear the One Star like the final boss wrapped in pure, onion-free warmth!
Product features
- 100% ring-spun US cotton — light and smooth for comfortable everyday wear
- Jersey-lined hood with natural flatcord for a soft, finished look
- Relaxed fit with rolled-forward shoulders for easy movement
- Lightweight fabric (6.4 oz/yd²) — breathable and layer-friendly
- Made with OEKO-TEX low-impact dyes; member of the U.S. Cotton Trust Protocol
Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean
FAQ
Common questions before you check out.
01 Does this run small or large?
Runs boxy and true to size. If you're between sizes, order down for a closer fit. The 4XL is genuinely 4XL.
02 Will the print crack or fade?
No. Print is direct-to-garment, tested for 100+ wash cycles before any fade.
03 Can I return it after wearing?
Yes — 60-day rage-back guarantee. If you wear it once and hate it, send it back.
04 How long does shipping take?
Ships in 72 hours. US orders arrive in 3–5 business days from there. Free shipping on every order.
05 Can I get a discount on multiple shirts?
Yes — use the bundle picker on the homepage. 20% off when you pick 2 or 3.