RETURN TO OFFICE - PROTEIN FARTS
Make it a kit.
Add 1 or 2 more pieces and check out as one bundle.
RETURN TO OFFICE - PROTEIN FARTS
DOGS - PIT BULL
HOA
HOA - MAILBOX
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS
CRUISE SHIPS
CRUISE SHIPS - NOROVIRUS
AIRPORTS
CILANTRO
What You're Buying.
THIS AIN’T JUST A T-SHIRT—IT’S A FUCKING PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE OPEN-PLAN PROTEIN-FART APOCALYPSE! Blasted with “RTO – So I can sit in open-plan hell listening to Chad’s protein farts while doing the exact same work I smashed from my couch in boxers and bliss.” across legendary Comfort Colors pigment-dyed U.S.-grown cotton softer than my WFH boxers ever were, this black bio-terror drops in 13 savage colors but pure methane in kick-ass black! Sizes S-4XL for every remote legend forced to inhale Chad’s whey-fueled war crimes, custom-printed on demand because my nose just filed for divorce. If this shirt doesn’t make Chad clench his glutes in shame, we’ll gas-mask hell’s break room—no questions asked! Wear the trauma. Burn the open plan. Rock the One Star like the final boss who’s still working in underwear!
Product features - Available in multiple sizes from S to 4XL - Double-needle stitching for durability - Garment-dyed fabric for soft color and texture - Made with 100% ring-spun US cotton for comfort Care instructions - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam, or dry: low heat - Do not dry clean
FAQ
Common questions before you check out.
01 Does this run small or large?
Runs boxy and true to size. If you're between sizes, order down for a closer fit. The 4XL is genuinely 4XL.
02 Will the print crack or fade?
No. Print is direct-to-garment, tested for 100+ wash cycles before any fade.
03 Can I return it after wearing?
Yes — 60-day rage-back guarantee. If you wear it once and hate it, send it back.
04 How long does shipping take?
Ships in 72 hours. US orders arrive in 3–5 business days from there. Free shipping on every order.
05 Can I get a discount on multiple shirts?
Yes — use the bundle picker on the homepage. 20% off when you pick 2 or 3.